it just makes me more and more jealous. i just want to know what its like to have someone want to hold my hand and tell me im pretty. everywhere i go all i see are these happy couples and i want that so bad. my parents sit here and tell me oh make sure your practicing safe sex. too bad im not even having sex cause no one wants to have sex with me. its so hard to see everyone so happy and talk about their boyfriends and their sex lives and i just sit there.

i want to know what it feels like to be wanted. im tired of everyone saying you will find someone, it takes time. well im almost 19 years old. i feel like i mine as well give up and learn to live with the fact that im going to be alone. i dont want to deal with thanksgiving and christmas with every single person asking me so you have a boyfriend yet? no the answer is still no.

i know i shouldnt care so much and it shouldnt matter, but i wish i had someone who would just listen to me when i talk and would kiss me on the forehead and tell me its going to be ok. all the guys at school are rich assholes who just want the pretty girls. i feel like i will never meet anyone here so where the hell am i supposed to meet someone? i just dont know. i really just dont.

that was such a touching movie and i have so much respect for andrew now.

damn…

im always tired, i have to pee alot, and sometimes i get ramdomly really dizzy.

it all points to diabetes… and im to scared to go to the doctor and i dont want to talk to my mom cause the last time i told her i think i have something wrong she just said i was fine.

i dont really want to deal with this.

then im a bird

so i just dont even when i really want to… like right now.